Mom: “Seriously? I’m so annoying?? Omg, he doesn’t stop talking. Truth is, I am a bit distracted by my phone, but his stories go on and on, I just don’t have the patience to listen so maybe sometimes I peek at my phone - but I am (kinda) listening and I always respond…”

Son: “My mom has a super talent. She can repeat all the words I have said, but it’s sooo obvious she has really no idea what the heck I’m talking about… it’s so annoying to talk to her…”

(It is a pretty cool talent that many people happen to have- being able to repeat words without processing them at all. See P.S.) 

Here’s a quick tip for Parents (but also for everyone else in relationships).  In a New York Times review of the book, How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, the NYT reviewer summed up this book in three powerful words:

Parenting is Parroting. 

Simple!

Powerful.

And works for all relationships. 

The message is first and foremost (after you put the phone down, we’ve all been guilty of this at least once !)  join them where they are at and “parrot them.” 

Parroting and connecting is done with gestures but also parroting with words. Simply repeating their words in a meaningful way. (Not in an annoying way though). We need to parrot their emotions, letting them know “we get it”.

“This technique is so powerful and effective that even time-pressed lunatics can remember this rule: Parenting is Parroting,” the review continues.

Try this for all relationships: Listen, Repeat the words, Process and Join with the speaker. 

Your response will come from a different place. A thought out response, rather than an impulsive reaction.

Too often, we are quick to respond, and too hasty to understand, that we entirely lose the message, and hurt the relationship. 

Following this advice: Parenting is Parroting is how to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk. 

Great title! And a Great Book. You can buy it Here!

, Shifi 

P.S. Ok, Ok. Yikes. Last minute update. “Parenting is parroting” is something I repeat in my head a lot. But honestly, after writing this newsletter, I’m rethinking it! It’s kinda dumb! Parroting like a Parrot does without processing like Parrots do, (the super talent that many have!) is the opposite of what we’re supposed to be doing! So really, the irony isn’t lost on me that we should actually not simply “Parrot”, but join with them and parrot their emotions. So really, even though it’s less catchy, we should be saying “Parenting is Connecting,” or “Parenting is Joining.”

Eh. Bit boring.

So, if someone has a “catchier” phrase, reach out, let us know!

Are you trying hard but having a hard time connecting to your child? Are you worried about your child socially or emotionally? Does thinking about Summer and all the kids playing outside and all the potential politics give you a big headache?  Are you anxious about your child’s anxiety? Do you worry you’re saying all the wrong things?

We. Get. It

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