Wow! Nice to be back to routine a bit… How is everyone doing? Isn’t there something amazing about the crisp weather in November? No matter what is going on in your life - and I have no doubt that life is hectic - I hope you can take a few minutes to enjoy the outdoors. Bring out those cozy oversized sweaters, coffee mugs, and take it all in. 

Interestingly, I came across the following phenomenon multiple times these last few weeks and I thought I’d share: People get stuck. That’s old news, I know Meira. But people really have a hard time healing, recovering, moving forward from difficult situations, traumas and challenges. 

Why is that? Wouldn’t you think that naturally people are so happy to move on from the difficult challenge/loss/trauma/grief and put he experience behind them? 

The short answer is:

*Even when/if there is a feeling of relief, there is still an adjustment to a new reality that people have a hard time with.  

* People have a fear of losing their identity. 

* Our pain is often the last link to what we have lost.

* Unresolved trauma may result in anger and anxiety, making it particularly difficult to let go of. 

(That didn’t feel like a short answer actually . I think we may need another newsletter to expand on these). 

So often, the challenges, traumas, difficult pasts, and even suffering has become such a big part of who we are and who we evolved to be. And by getting healthier, and moving forward, often means losing a very big part of ourselves - and giving up a big part of our identity. And also giving up our connection to what was lost. 

Someone who had been diagnosed with an illness and then got a clean bill of health, even someone who has been single for a while and then finally found their spouse, someone who has been traumatized and has become a different person from that experience - and often during the crisis they had a “free pass” to behave a certain way, or be symptomatic-  someone who has been mentally unstable and now doing better, or anyone who has lost a loved one can tell you this … can feel like they are giving up a part of their identity as they heal and move forward.  

And believe it or not, this is a very, very difficult adjustment and process for many, as they figure out their new identity and how to live in their new reality, with a whole new set of rules, and often still a big hole in their heart. It’s harder than you think to move on. 

Bottom line - Be compassionate, Be kind. To yourself and others. 

People are complex, and that is OK.  

 Tight Hugs, 

Shifi