AS AN EXAMPLE: AGE SIX! THE AGE OF POLARITY! 

There are very few things that make me feel like a bigger failure of a mother than a 6 year old’s full blown temper tantrum. Especially the feeling of impending doom when you realized you packed the wrong dress or forgot their shabbos shoes altogether. Hashem should protect us all from these mistakes. 

Six year olds are complex.  But you know what? Mothers of six year olds are complex too. I absolutely love this age, and sometimes I dislike this age and yes, I will definitely miss this age. And yes, it makes no sense. But honestly, six year olds make little sense too. One minute they’re the happiest, most helpful, and really funny children and then - from what seems like out of the blue-  they become incredibly upset about something seemingly so small. 

About a year ago, my Mother (My. Role. Model!) suggested that I read the research of Dr. Ilg and Dr. Ames to learn more about this age - since admittedly, I had never read it before. My mother was right - I needed a better understanding. I decided to study the specific age of Six to see what I can learn about this age.  I was so taken by their research - also known as the  Gesell Institute of Child Development! I want to share with you what I’ve learned that has completely transformed how I understand my Six year old. And every other age child. Wow.  

“Six is a hard age to be,” quotes Ames and Ilg. Six year olds are paradoxical. Polarityis the name of their game. “They want to and they don’t want to,” is their mantra. The child is now the center of their own universe, and it can seem scary to them at times. 

6s are very different from 5s. At 5, Mom was still at the center of their universe -  they think Mom is nothing less than perfect. Now, at 6, they want to be the first and the best. At 6, they begin to separate from Mom which causes them much anxiety and worry. It is usually the time they enter first grade.  

Characteristically, they cry more often, fuss more about food rather than being fed whatever Mom says, are amazing apologizers and even though they often give Mom a hard time, they are constantly seeking Mom’s approval asking “was I good today?” Their enthusiasm is contagious, and when they are happy, they dance and sing from joy and laughter. They love new and exciting experiences, and can be the warmest, friendliest, most delightful little people on this planet. Life is never boring for 6s or for parents of a Six year olds. 

Yet, so often they are hard for Mother to live with! 

Let’s explore more!  

Of all the interpersonal relationships the young child experiences, Mothers are the most important and intense relationships. And specifically at the age of 6, the child so badly wants to be close to the mother yet at the same time is craving independence. Mother-child relationships give them the greatest sense of pleasure- and it’s also the greatest source of pain. Most 6s adore their mothers, but when things go wrong, they blame Mom.  6s find their mother at the foundation for safety, providing stability and equilibrium but as they mature and break away and establish their own independence, there is tension. The child must be constantly assured of their mother’s love and at the same time, they need to fulfill their own need of independence. 

This is why at 6, the Father can play a major role. At 6, Father is a much loved person and his time and attention is very sought after and highly prized. Many children fear Father’s disapproval more than Mother at this age, and admire him more than they do Mother, because there is less stress in the relationship. At 6, Fathers know everything. When tantrums hit big or small, it is Father who can save the day. 

In school, 6s love to follow the rules and to conform. But when rules at home and in school are different, that can become particularly confusing for 6s. No one loves “show and tell” more than 6 year olds. They love all exploration- physical and intellectual. First grade can be tedious and long and create frustration and fatigue that is typically taken out on the Mother more than the teacher. Compassion for 6 is needed when the child comes home from a long day in school. 

In terms of friends, 2 children playing at this age usually works better than 3. Friends are made easily - 6s  can usually approach anyone they feel interested in and ask if they want to play.  However, during the play date the child can become aggressive since 6s enjoy competition, and love to win. And the “loser” of the game tends to get mad and sad. It is for this reason that 6s tend to change the rules as they play. So play dates should be kept on the shorter end. 

Humor begins to develop past bathroom humor. In fact, take the time to watch a six year old giggle! It’s so much fun to watch! They have a hearty laugh. 6s are extremely persistent and don’t give up easily. 5s love to talk, but Six even more so. A child of this age loves conversation and to share their thoughts. Ask them their opinion - they love to be taken seriously.  They are approaching the age in which they begin to recognize the views and likes of others, but they are not quite at the Age of Reason yet. They begin to speak grammatically correct and are no longer mixing up their hes/shes. They should start to recognize and understand right and left. They should know how to count to thirty by one’s, and 100 by tens and once they master a skill they proudly proclaim how “easy” it is. They now begin to learn to write. We teach Hebrew and English, which complicates this for some. 

Here are some tips to help manage your Six year old at home and in school. 

The rest of Age Six and all the other ages from 1-14 can be found HERE! 🎉 FOR ONLY $19.97 you will have immediate access to every age 1-14!  I may be biased, but this is a steal of a deal. My hope is for every single parent to own and have access to this information. I did the hard part! Please forward this to all your friends and family - so we can raise a healthier generation.