I don’t know why it took me this long to come up with this idea, but I did the most amazing parenting hack ever this week. I sent my super-excited-to-be-independent 7-year-old into the store with a credit card to buy her own tights. I waited in the car. She went herself (actually, with a friend.) She chose them. Paid for them. Was super proud of herself and of course of her tights. And then this morning when they were too big/too itchy/too uncomfortable— she was like “it’s fine, Mommy! I love them anyway!” 

Usually, the story of the uncomfortable-tights doesn’t end that way.

I felt BRILLIANT!

Sometimes it just takes a little experience + foresight. So I was thinking of other parenting advice I would tell my younger self if I had the chance, and I did a brain dump… just wrote things down as they came to my mind. In no particular order. I am positive that right after I hit send on this email, I will think of 30 more… in fact this was only supposed to be 13 but I kept thinking of more (figured 13 and 31 were similar enough!) 

 1. Your relationship with your child is more important than anything else. Then school. Then homework. Anything! It’s all about attachment - don’t roll your eyes at me for repeating this!

 2. Laugh. A LOT! Yes, life can be serious, but so many things are funny. 

 3. Always be self -aware. Ask your children for feedback. (It’s on my to do list to create a feedback form for us parents!)

 4. It’s okay if your child is upset. Teach them emotion management. 

 5. Let your kids fail. Growth happens when they learn to pick themselves up… 

 6. Criticism is a killer. Their self-esteem is their fuel tank. Fill it, don’t drain it. You have the ability to fill it! It’s a big responsibility but it’s also a big honor to hold the keys to someone else’s self esteem  

 7. Be humble. We aren’t perfect either. 

 8. Whenever possible, be home when they come home from school.

 9. Reinforce weaker qualities. Growth takes patience, but it’s worth it.

 10. Don’t overschedule. Boredom fosters creativity.

 11. Let your kids help. Around the house, in the community—give them chances to contribute.

 12. Stop solving their problems. Listen instead. This is a biggie. 

 13. Stay up to date in the research about what creates the healthy, confident children. 

 14. Quality time is about quality. It’s not about the big trips, don’t force yourself to do things you don’t enjoy (you’re not fun then anyway)

 15. Teach gratitude. Be grateful to them.

 16. Stay out of sibling rivalry. As much as possible.

 17. Don’t be annoying. Or kids say today “Don’t be a Karen.” 

 18. Work on your own triggers. Your kids aren’t your siblings, and your home isn’t the one you grew up in. I know that our brain sometimes plays tricks on us. 

 19. Celebrate individuality. Each child is unique.

 20. Kids remember your sacrifices. Even if they don’t say it directly at the time.

 21. Have family values—and family jokes!

 22. Be a safe space. Your kids should know they can come to you without fear of judgment.

 23. Take pictures. Always. (and also put away your phone when you’re together. I know that can be “stira” …)

 24. Set limits. Saying no isn’t just okay—it’s necessary.

 25. Practice what you preach. Kids learn by example.

 26. Trust the process. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.

 27. Make your home fun- one they are proud to bring their friends to. 

 28. Share about your day. Confide in them. Ask them for their opinions. Let them know who you are.

 29. Keep the music playing—and dance in your living room. Often!

 30. Tell your kids you’re proud of them. Always!

 31. Learn about child development! You’d be surprised how many things you do not know! 

, Shifi